my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
