I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
