who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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