so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
