So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
