He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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