I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
