Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
