In the future we'll all be gay
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
