I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize