At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
