were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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