Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish I only lived at night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
