i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
