Sponge bath it is.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
