So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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