Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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