i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
