He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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