puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
