First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Terrible idea I love it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
