i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
