I forgot how hot balto sounded
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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