Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
