kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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