Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
from now on my penis is your penis
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
