Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
