We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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