I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
