Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
