I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
