jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
