ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
