I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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