I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
