I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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