This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
