you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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