I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
