I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
