I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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