i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
