Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize