KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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