Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
