I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
accomplished twins. life is a go
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
