So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
