we're chasing vodka with high fives
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
