i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
