sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
