just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just googled if crying burns calories
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
