I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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