I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
