So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
