Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize