lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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