sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize