i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
