She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
