is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
