Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
