dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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