i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
