whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
