Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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