Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
