Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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