You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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