Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
