My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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