I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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