If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
