her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
