think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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