I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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