I look better un-naked...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
