I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
