everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
