Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
