It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
