Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
