You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
