We're like a lot better than the average bears
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
