He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
