lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
