omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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