Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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