There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
