Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
